We All Want Love

By Xiletelo Mabasa

With the news of Brangelina splitting up and a pastor who anoints ring fingers the institution of marriage has been put under the microscope  this week. Are we better off staying single or dating or should we pursue marriage?

Happily Never After

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It’s a bad day for Brangelina shippers everywhere, our favourite couple is over! For the longest time I believed that Brad and Angelina were married. So hearing that Brad proposed in 2014 I thought “finally!” and “wait they were still dating?” I idolized their relationship.

Brad and Angelina were like a beacon of hope; a sign that relationships work and happiness is never too far out of reach. Their relationship made me love the idea of love and made me want to pursue it.

This is in total contrast to the horror shows that I saw on the Crime and Investigation channel that made me want to lock myself away in isolation and avoid people altogether.

Why We Hate Divorce So Much 

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Jolie filed for divorce on Monday and is also seeking sole physical custody of her children

If our star couple can end up divorced then what of the rest of us? That’s what a lot of people seem to think. Theirs is one of many divorce cases. Divorce has apparently been on the rise making people wonder if marriage still has the same social  standing or value that it used to. I’m tired of hearing this.

There isn’t really any difference from the way married people felt years ago. The laws were stricter  so people couldn’t escape an unhappy marriage even if they wanted to.  Today if you’re not comfortable being married to someone you can end the marriage.

The laws might have been relaxed but the attitude towards divorce is still very harsh. Divorce is seen as failure because marriage is seen as an achievement.

Why should someone stay with a partner  they’re not happy with just to prove that they made it? I say good for her. She found what she feels is the best possible solution to whatever was bothering her.

Marriage is an abstract idea. The notion of “joining two souls”. People are different from each other. Even dreaming of ever agreeing on absolutlely everything is ridiculous.

In the same way that no two people are the same; no two marriages are the same. People don’t divorce their partners for the same reason that someone else would.

Maybe this isn’t a very progressive idea for a woman to have but I believe in marriage and I would love to be married someday. I want somebody I can share my life with, but at the same time I’m not in a rush to do get married.

Yes I’m upset that they won’t be together but I still love them so I wish them all the best in the world. I don’t fault them for anything because as much as I believe in marriage I understand that not everything works out the way we want it to.

Love Don’t Cost a Thing 

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Poster inviting women to have their ring fingers anointed

Even though I would love to be joined in holy matrimony with the love of my life, I’m in no rush to do so and I’m not desperate for love. I wouldn’t pay for it either. Some women have paid up to R5000 to have their ring fingers “anointed” with oil by Pastor Alph Lukau in a bid to find a husband who will arrive in 90 days. I don’t know about you but I’d rather die alone than go without food for the next month and a half.

The saddest thing about this is how symbolic it is of the fact that many women still feel pressured to get married. What else would drive a woman to pay to for love?

I’m only nineteen but I’ve already decided that I wouldn’t mind being without a husband. I would never settle for a relationship with someone I’m not completely happy with just for the sake of it. Which makes me wonder, are these women truly willing to spend the rest of their lives with someone they’ve only known for three months? And because this proposal will happen within the next three months, are they willing to marry someone they might have known for a few days?

We all know what happens after three months, even Kim Kardashian knows it can happen after 72 hours. You end up in the same position that Brangelina is in right now. Speaking of Kim I hope her marriage to Kanye West survives.

Obviously these women don’t watch the Crime and Investigation Channel because if they did they’d know not to get married to someone after three months. He could be a pedophile or a serial killer. Does this pastor promise of happiness,longevity or even safety  will come with this marriage proposal?

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I think it’s clear that our lives shouldn’t follow a defined pattern of “go to school, get a job, get married, raise a family and die.” You could end up divorced for whatever reason and decide not to remarry. You could decide to not get married at all. You and your partner could decide to have a commitment ceremony without getting married.

Angelina could decide not to re-marry because she’s happy with just spending time with her kids I think that’s beautiful. I also want to be a mom one day so right now I can only imagine how taking care of her family is like food for her soul.
You should be happy with the course of your own life, the things you’ve done and the people you’ve met. There’s no need for us to be identical grey blobs. Remember what you learnt in pre-school “everyone is special”. Accept that people are different and embrace your personal journey.

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